The Balance

The first message I ever preached outside of a class was in chapel at Nyack College. I preached about the balance between confidence and humility. I regret to say that about 5 years later my heart still hasn't found the stability on that balance beam. Where is the balance between unwrapping a spiritual gift with boldness, and finding a humility that lands you flat on your face in front of a Holy God? How is that accomplished when people don't have the ability to see past a man, and end up showering him with a false success? Where is the balance between, fighting to conquer a sin, and then when it is conquered giving all the credit and glory to Christ who gave you the strength to conquer it in the first place? How do you have integrity without pride? How do you have Christlike character and humility at the same time? In my ignorance and weakness I have said to myself, "well maybe I allow this thorn to stay in my side so that I can know I am nothing without Christ." I'm such an idiot sometimes. Now pride haunts my soul on one side of the enemy lines and as I cross over into friendly territory I cross into a world of every other sin. A word filled explanation is easy to shower on these questions. But a heart filled explanation seems extinct. Its seems the balance is to be Blameless and Broken. But I for one am stuck in prideful and sinful. Life sucks, good thing I got a Savior.

Rise and Responsibility

I believe the church is on its way. Those that teach the Word with passion and diligence. Those who approach it with fear and trembling knowing that they will stand before a Holy God and have to face Him one day. Those who approach it with accountability.
Those that welcome the sick, broken, and all too well. Those that don't care if your tie is steamed pressed. Those that don't divide over when Christ is coming back because some knowledge is too great for us anyway. Those that become a Greek to the Greek and a Jew to the Jew. I believe the church is on its way. Those that frown upon complexity and smile upon the simple yet challenging life of breathing the greatest of the commandments. Those that share their possessions, do life together, and live a life of resurrection.
Yea its time. This nation is going to be backhanded with the gospel and life will never be the same. The right churches are growing and the "health and wealth" will die. The question is...are we ready?



Ananias and his wife were not. In the Word, as you know(and if you don't know that's ok) they are both struck down for going against the grain of a revolution. They were part of something ginormous where the numbers that were being saved were outrageous. Where life was being done right. Where every one was filled with the joy of living in Christ. And with that revolution comes great responsibility. "When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required" Luke 12:48

Is the church ready for this revolution? Start preparing your heart now. Start living with integrity. Start pouring yourself out in desperation to your God so that you don't go against the grain of a revolution. Because this revolution will be beautiful, and critical.

Il Miss

Il miss Preparing in a cold office on Sunday morning
I wont miss the tragedies of those close, the mourning.
Il miss the ability to take from those generous, even the candles
But I definitely wont miss those dreadful jersey Jug-handles.
Il Miss the fact that the city is almost right there.
I wont miss slight arrows in the back, and a faint blank stare.
Il miss weekly trips to Nyack and Saturday morning ball
Il definitely miss the way that you look in the fall.
Il miss people with too much money
And I wont them at the same time
Il miss those with generosity
But not those that wont give a dime.

I have a love hate with Jersey, its an interesting place
But one thing Il always miss, is your presence, your face.
The face of my parents, the presence of my boo
The face of my brother and sister, the presence of You.
You who care about me whether its Steve,Isaac or Marielle,
Whether its my friends from Nyack, or the ones that fell
The Rob's and the Bob's, the Big D's and the Tim's
Those who took me under, you know if your him.

Those who pray for me who live with me and cry

Timeless friendships, the sakdalans, with some frye's
You got Larry,Joe, Robyn, and Nancy, the list trickles on,
A bunch of Filipinos who eat soup from a pond.
Il miss the students and the ones that don't get it,
Il miss the ones that do, I give my God all the credit.
You is what Il miss, Your presence your face
You is what Il miss, not the present not the place.

And one things for sure, its only a week away
Il keep my head up, serve my God and wipe the tears away.

An Impossible Call

So wait? I can't even lust after another mans wife? If I do I have committed adultery? Impossible
And If someone attacked my girlfriend while I wasn't there, becoming my enemy, you want me to love them? Impossible
If you called me to sell all my possessions and leave to go to your land without a penny, you want me to actually listen?
You want me to live my every breath for you, without seeing you in the physical?And if someone spits on my face, you want me to turn my cheek? Impossible
You want me to find the positive in men hating me? You want me to make myself last in a world where the first is all anyone promotes? Impossible

Why the impossible? How am I supposed to carry this out and herald this news on the mountaintop living in the flesh with those who want nothing to do with it?
They would say well, His word says, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. I would say when was the last time you did all things through Christ?
You would say, My son, you are not fighting for the prize in a cereal box, or a gold medal in the world Games. You are not fighting for the greatest of a kingly pleasureful life. You are not fighting for tomorrow. You are fighting for the eternal soul of the man standing next to you. You are fighting to place your index finger on my Holy cheek as tears stream down your face. Your fighting for forever. The impossible is worth it.
I would say, today you have won my heart. I have a Strong feeling you will win and repeat tomorrow.

Drunken Confessions in The Bing

I am going home this week, back to my routes. Binghamton NY. "The 607". There is something that I know will go down no matter how I approach Binghamton. I will be confronted by a drunken confessional. Someone will get way too close to my nose with their hot, stank breath, and tell me about how they have been going to church lately. You see I grew up in a largely Catholic area. All my friends and acquaintances have something to do with the Catholic church. When I go home to visit my friends from high school, we will first go to "the pine"(a small crappy bar with an ugly atmosphere that everyone goes to solely for the reputation), and then we will go "downtown", where there is nothing but 40 bars in a row. Now, everyone knows that I was once the guy that brought the keg and then became the guy who prays for the people at the keg. They know that I was once a man ho, and now I am looking for someone to walk hand and hand with for the duration of well, eternity. They know that I am now "A Pastor"(dun dun dun). So here's the routine. I will walk into the bar and at least 1 person will consistently approach me with a drunken confession. This because they forgot they told me 5 minutes ago. And it will go like this.... "Bro, you still doin that priest thing where you cant have sex or get married?" To which I reply, "I am a pastor, and we believe in the greatness of sex inside the context of marriage." And then they will say, "O well, I have been trying to go to church but I just cant get out because I work on Sunday. And I don't really get drunk, this is just a celebration. And I am not going to hump my girlfriend after tonight, this is the last time I promise. And now I am serving in a children's home". And after that long, hopeful, plea of works, they stare at me and wonder if their wrap sheet is enough to save them. Is it enough for me to congratulate them, and accept them with grace? Is it enough that they can fall back on just in case the God of the universe is real and is coming with judgement? is it enough that the pastor will give them a sporty pat on the butt and say good game?

My heart aches for the seasonal church goers that say their 20 hail Mary's and serve at a soup kitchen to avoid damnation. I don't know what to do. I guess all I can do is bleed my RELATIONSHIP with Christ all over this world. Letting them know that grace and love come first, and serving at a soup kitchen is just an impulse reaction to the astounding truth that a bug huge gigantic God wants to be my Father, best friend and Savior. I love you Binghamton, and my heart will always ache for you wherever I am.

At The Heart of Trusting

At the heart of every trusting decision is the ability to waste. Would you take your 54 inch LCD out back right now and drop a fat brick through it? Waste. Would you give away one of your puppies(and not the one that drops a hot piddle on your leather couch, the other one)? Waste. Would you run away from your reckless abandon to be in control? Waste. Would you give up the face of your beloved mother, and the embrace of your wisdom filled father? Waste. Pushing even further, can your put your hands on this waste plow without looking back? Until you have a grueling truth session between your initial thoughts and your heart about your ability to waste, you will never understand what it means to trust.

"Do not take along any gold or silver or copper in your belts; take no bag for the journey, or extra tunic, or sandals or a staff; for the worker is worth his keep." Matthew 10:9-10

To you...far fetched, unreasonable, maybe idiotic...To HIM...necessary.